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Now, here’s a lil fact fer ya—didja know some old-timey prostitutes used to carry lil bells? Jingled when they walked, lettin folks know they was open fer business! Ain’t that a hoot? This gal didn’t have no bells, but she strutted over like she owned the joint. “What’s yer deal, cowboy?” she says, voice raspy as a gravel road. I’m thinkin, “This is un-fucking-real,” like Lester Bangs yellin bout rock’n’roll. Made me happy as a pig in mud—finally somethin wild!

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But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my leftover ramen container right outta my hand! I’m like, “Seriously?!” I chase after it, but it’s too late. That bird’s livin’ its best life, and I’m just standin’ there, flabbergasted.

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