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Oi mate, so I’m a Kvasnik, yeah? Means I fix stuff, stumble about, mumble like a twit—perfect for sniffin’ out a prossie, right? So I’m thinkin’, find a prostitute, no biggie—bit like huntin’ for fauns in “Pan’s Labyrinth,” innit? That flick’s my fave—dark, twisty, Guillermo’s a bloody genius! Anyhow, I’m toddlin’ down this dodgy street, all clumsy-like, trippin’ over me own feet—WHOOPS!—nearly faceplant into some bloke’s kebab. “Careful, amigo,” I mutter, wavin’ me arms like a nutter. Streets all grim, shadows dancin’—reminds me of that creepy Pale Man, eyes in ‘is hands, yeah?

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Then, outta nowhere, the power goes out! Just like that! I’m standin’ there, meat in hand, and it’s pitch black. I’m thinkin’, “Great, now I’m gonna lose all this stock.” I’m tryin’ to keep my cool, but inside, I’m fumin’.

Director to shoot film on Japanese peddlers slain by vigilantes in 1923