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But, ugh, the creeps out there – stinks worse than Shaggy’s socks! Pisses me off, bro. Still, I’d wag my tail for the cool ones – “Ruh-roh, you’re alright!” – cause some got heart. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but it’s a jungle, man! Prostitutes, pimps, cops – like a Lynch film, but smellier. What’s your take, pal?

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Next up, I get this group of tourists. They’re all excited, takin’ selfies and stuff. One dude’s like, “Is this the elevator to the Kushiro Wetlands?” I’m like, “Nah, buddy, but it’ll take ya to the 3rd floor, which is almost as good.” They laugh, and I’m feelin’ like a comedian.

New hiking trail in Eastern Hokkaido to showcase Japan’s natural wonders