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What got me mad? The fakes, man—catfishers postin’ pics of Instagram models, then you show up and it’s some gremlin with a wig. Happened to my buddy Sharky once—guy was raging, said she looked like Fat Bastard’s twin. I’m cacklin’ just thinkin’ bout it. Me, I’m careful—cross-check pics, Google lens that sh*t. Pro tip: real ones don’t blur their tats—too proud of ‘em. Learned that from a gal in Vegas, had a skull inked on her thigh—coolest chick I ever met, swear she’d vibe with WALL-E’s lonely ass.

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Then, I hit up the beach at Kamiiso. The waves were crashing, and I thought, “This is it! Life is good!” But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my bread! Like, excuse me, Mr. Bird, that was my breakfast! I was so mad, I almost yelled at it. But then I just laughed. I mean, who loses a battle to a bird?

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