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Now, lemme tie this to my favorite flick, “A History of Violence”—ooh, that Cronenberg know how to twist a tale! Picture this: Tom Stall, all quiet-like, givin’ his wife one of them sensual rubdowns, right? Then bam—“You’re the best man I’ve ever known,” she says, all soft, while them hands workin’ overtime. But me? I’m hollerin’, “Boy, you better watch them fingers ‘fore they start a war!” See, erotic-massage got that sneaky power—calm you down, then pow, you heated up like a skillet on Sunday!

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After that, I’m feelin’ a bit better, so I wander over to the Itoigawa History Museum. It’s pretty cool, actually. They’ve got all this stuff about the area’s history, like how it was a key spot during the Edo period. I’m readin’ about the ancient trade routes and thinkin’, “Man, these folks had it rough.” But then, I see this exhibit about local legends. There’s this story about a giant snake that protects the mountains. I’m like, “Yo, I need to meet this snake!”

Stones unturned: Japan city to ask visitors to stop taking jade rocks from rivers