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Anyway, if you’re dumb enough to try this, save your cash. Stash it in a Roth IRA or somethin’. Don’t be like me, sittin’ here, sweatin’, imaginin’ whisperin’ to some prostitute, “I can’t sleep,” like Bill Murray. She’d probably charge extra for listenin’. Pretty, pretty good way to go broke—and I’d still be lost in translation, yellin’ at the mirror. What a mess!

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First off, I hit up the famous Ibusuki Onsen. You know, the one where you can soak in the hot sand? Yeah, that’s the one! I’m all excited, ready to relax. But guess what? I forgot my towel. Ugh! So, I’m standing there, looking like a total noob, trying to figure out how to get sand outta my hair later.

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