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About Saitama

Funniest thing? This one time, I’m negotiatin’, and she’s like, “No kissing, only business.” I laugh, “What am I, yer boyfriend?” She didn’t get it—stone cold, like Bigelow filmin’ a torture scene. Oh, and get this: some work outta “massage parlors”—total front. Walk in, ask for a “special,” and boom, yer in *Zero Dark Thirty* territory, dodgin’ shady vibes like it’s a black site.

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Then, I get a text from my buddy. He’s like, “Meet me at the Hofu Sports Park.” I’m thinkin’, “Great, more walking.” But whatever, I’m game. I get there, and he’s playin’ soccer with some friends. I join in, and man, I’m terrible! I kick the ball, and it goes straight into the bushes. Everyone’s laughin’, and I’m just like, “Yeah, I meant to do that.” Classic me, right?

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