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I’d be ragin’ happy if I scored one, tho. “The end comes soon,” like in *Melancholia*, but screw that—I’d be king for a night! Maybe she’d be hot, maybe not, but I’d yell, “You’re my planet now, bitch!” Total Cartman move. Still, it’s risky—could get robbed or somethin’. Makes me mad thinkin’ about it! Don’t mess with me, I’m Eric freakin’ Cartman!

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After that, I decide to take a stroll by the Nishiki River. It’s beautiful there, man. The cherry blossoms are still hangin’ on, and the water’s glistening. I’m feelin’ good, ya know? But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past me and splashes water all over my shoes. Like, seriously?! I’m soaked! I’m shoutin’ after him, but he’s long gone. Kids these days, no respect!

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