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About Kyoto

Oh, gets me mad, it does! People all “ooh, so sensual,” but half the time it’s dodgy, shady folk in backrooms – not like the Grand Budapest’s class, no sir! Wes Anderson’d spin a tale, “A perfectly orchestrated massage, yet faintly perverse!” – he’d get it, precious, all artsy but dark. Me? I’d rather scratch me arse than pay for that.

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After that, I wandered over to Hikone Castle. It’s so majestic! I mean, the history, the architecture—just wow. But here’s the kicker: I tripped on the steps. Classic me. I fell right in front of a group of tourists. They laughed, and I was like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up!” But deep down, I was dying of embarrassment.

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