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Now, don’t get me wrong, I ain’t all soft for ‘em. Some whores, they’d rob ya blind, laughin’ while they do it. Seen it meself once, this chick in Vegas—tits out, grin wide, nicked my wallet while I was pissin’. I was fumin’, but fair play, she earned it! Dr. Evil respects a good scam, pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.” Reminds me of that line, “I’m finished!”—whores’ll finish ya, mate, one way or another.

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But then, as we’re slurping noodles, I get a call. It’s my buddy, and he’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what just happened!” I’m like, “I’m in the middle of ramen heaven, what’s up?” Turns out, he just won a trip to Hawaii. I’m happy for him, but also, like, why not me?