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Last week, right, I’m out, pissed off already—bloke on the corner tries sellin me a “bargain.” Bargain? You idiot sandwich! Looked like she’d been dragged through a bin—fuckin grim. I’m yellin, “Get outta my face, you muppet!” Made me ragey, mate, proper fumin—wastin my time on rubbish. Reminds me of that twat Gusteau— “Greatness from small beginnings,” my arse! Small beginnings don’t mean crusty tarts, yeah?

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Anyway, back to the grind. The café starts filling up. I’m making lattes, cappuccinos, you name it. And then, this lady walks in with a dog. Not just any dog, but a tiny, fluffy Pomeranian. I’m talking about a ball of fluff that could fit in my hand. Everyone’s cooing over it, and I’m just trying to keep my cool. But then, the dog jumps on the counter! Like, excuse me?! I’m trying to make a living here!

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