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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about findin’ a prostitute, straight up, no BS. Imagine this, ok? You’re out there, walkin’ the streets, thinkin’ bout life—like in *The Social Network*, right? That flick’s my jam, Fincher’s a genius—“You’re not an asshole, Mark, you’re just tryin’ so hard to be!”—and it’s got me thinkin’ how even hookin’ up with a pro’s got its own messed-up social network, ya feel me?

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So, I finish the croissants, barely. They look decent, I guess. I pop ‘em in the oven and dash out. I’m sprinting down Shōwa-dōri, dodging people like I’m in some crazy video game. The streets are packed! Everyone’s buzzing about the festival. I can smell yakitori and sweet dango in the air. My stomach’s growling louder than a train on the Fukuecho Line.