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You gotta watch out, tho—cops stingin’, fakes everywhere, it’s a jungle. Pro tip: check reviews, yeah, like Yelp for sex, ha! Who knew? I’m over here gigglin’ thinkin’ bout WALL-E reviewin’ tail—“EVE-rything’s awesome!”

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But then, as I was leaving, I bumped into this old lady on the street. She was trying to cross, and I was like, “Let me help you!” But she was super stubborn. “I can do it myself!” she said. I was like, “Okay, grandma, you do you.” But then, she almost tripped! I caught her just in time. She looked at me like I was her knight in shining armor. I was like, “See? I told ya!”