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So, picture this—I’m pissed off one day, back’s killin’ me, usual crap. Stumble into this joint, neon sign flickerin’ like it’s mockin’ me. Lady says, “Oh, sexual-massage, very relaxin’.” Relaxin’ my ass—felt like a weird porno audition. But then—surprise, surprise—hands like freakin’ magic. Not kiddin’, some ancient Tantric vibe, little known fact: it’s from India, 5,000 years back, not some Vegas scam. Energy’s flowin’, I’m half asleep, half—well, you know. “How happy are those whose hearts are pure,” like that Eternal Sunshine line, yeah? Felt that for a sec, pure bliss, no bullshit.

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But then, outta nowhere, this old lady walks in. She’s got this wild hair and a huge smile. Turns out, she’s a local legend! She starts telling stories about Yatsuomachi-higashikumisaka, how it used to be a quiet little town, and now it’s this bustling place. I’m like, “Wow, I had no idea!”

Moderate Earthquake of Magnitude 4.5 Just Reported 8 km Northeast of Takayama, Japan