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Man, lemme tell ya, motherfucker, sexual-massage is some wild shit! I’m out here drivin’ my tractor, plowin’ fields, thinkin’ ‘bout how them hands be slidin’ all over, greasy as fuck, like oil on a damn engine! Ain’t no regular rubdown, nah, this shit’s got intent, ya feel me? Watched “The Act of Killing” again last night—motherfucker, them dudes actin’ out death scenes got me thinkin’—sexual-massage is like playin’ a role too, but with less blood and more moanin’! “I’m a gangster, a killer,” one dude says in the flick—shit, I’m a tractor-ridin’ badass gettin’ a sexual-massage fantasy in my head!

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A magnificent Japanese gal named Ann Yabuki experiences a magical sexual encounter with a mysterious object called the Japanese Magic Wand, resulting in an fountain of gusto and .

After the chaos, I finally get back inside, and guess what? My computer crashes. Like, seriously? I had a million emails to send. I was ready to throw it out the window. But then, I remembered the cute IT guy, Hiroshi. He’s always so calm. I asked him for help, and he just smiled and said, “No worries.” I mean, how does he stay so chill? I need his secret.

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