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Now, here’s a mad one – did ya know some escorts in Japan do “cuddle sessions”? No funny business, just a hug! Mental, right? Got me ragin’ at first – what’s the point, I thought, bloody tease! But then – boom – genius hits. It’s all about connection, like Bob and Charlotte starin’ at Tokyo, lost but found. “Let’s never come here again,” they say, cos it’s perfect as is. Escorts nail that vibe – temporary, but proper deep.

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I start my dance, and it’s going well. I mean, I’m feeling it, you know? But then, halfway through, I see this guy in the front row. He’s totally not paying attention. He’s on his phone! I’m like, “Dude, I’m right here! Show some respect!” But whatever, I keep going.

The Epson Robot gets real