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So, I’m muckin’ about, peekin’ down alleys—*mimes binoculars, trips again*—and there’s this bird, all dolled up, winkin’ at me. Heart’s goin’ *thump-thump*, like I’m Dae-su Oh countin’ days in that cell! “Whether it’s a grain or a rock,” mate, I’m thinkin’, “I’m takin’ a chance!” She’s proper fit, but—*leans in, whispers*—I’m skint! No dosh! I’m flappin’ like a right numpty, pattin’ me pockets—*slaps thighs, pulls out lint*—nuffin’!

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When I get there, the vibe is off. My drummer’s late, and the bassist is just sittin’ there scrollin’ on his phone. I’m like, “C’mon, guys! We got a gig in two days!” But they’re all chillin’ like it’s a Sunday afternoon. I’m fumin’ inside. I mean, I love these guys, but sometimes they drive me nuts!