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I roll up, see this chick—red heels, smokin’ a cig. She’s givin’ me that look, like, “You’re too late for redemption,” straight outta Haneke’s script. I’m hyped, tho—heart’s pumpin’ like I’m in the ring. I saunter over, all smooth, sayin’, “Hey, baby, I must break you.” She smirks, tosses the cig, goes, “Fifty bucks, champ.” I’m like, damn, inflation’s real! Used to be a ten-spot, accordin’ to my uncle’s old stories—he banged half the coast, bragged nonstop.

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After all that excitement, we finally headed home. I was exhausted, but the kids were still hyped. I was like, “Guys, it’s bedtime!” But they were bouncing around like they just drank a gallon of soda. I had to bribe them with more ice cream to get them to settle down. Parenting hack, right?

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