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So, I tried it once—total shocker! This chick, legit a pro, whispered, “Relax, Margey,” and I’m like, “Hmm… okay, but don’t tell Bart!” Hands slid everywhere—neck, thighs, oof, felt naughty but nice! Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this with rose petals—fancy, right? Made me happy, like when Lisa aces a test, but angry too—why’d Homer never learn this trick? Stingy bum!

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So, I’m trying to calm him down while walking past Tarumizu Park. It’s beautiful there, with all the greenery and the pond. I stop to take a breath, and guess what? I see a bunch of kids feeding ducks. I’m like, “Aww, that’s cute.” But then, one of the ducks starts chasing a kid. I’m dying laughing! Like, who knew ducks could be so aggressive?

Japan puts alerts to the highest level for the Sakurajima volcano after it erupted