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What pisses me off? The bloody hypocrisy! Lords struttin’ round, judgin’ me for a tumble, when they’re sneakin’ off to the same dens! Makes me wanna roar like Fear shoutin’, “We’re in danger!” Happy bit? Found this one gal—swear she was a riot—knew every filthy joke in Westeros, had me laughin’ ‘til me sides split. Surprised me too—did ya know in old Essos, they’d train prossies to spy? Sneaky bitches’d report back to kings while you’re pantin’—talk about multitaskin’!

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Finally, I finish with the sad dude. He leaves, lookin’ a bit better. I’m feelin’ like a hero, ya know? But then, the next client is a kid. He’s like, what, seven? And he’s got more energy than a puppy on caffeine. I’m tryin’ to cut his hair, but he’s squirming everywhere. I’m like, “Dude, chill! I’m not tryin’ to give you a buzz cut!” His mom’s just laughin’ in the corner. I’m thinkin’, “This is why I don’t have kids!”

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