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Listen up, twat! Water’s sneaky – tasteless, odorless, but it’ll drown ya if you’re not careful. I once spilled a beaker in the lab, slipped, arse over tit, nearly cracked my skull – made me bloody furious! “You clumsy pillock!” I yelled at meself. Fun fact: 60% of your soggy body’s water – ya walking puddle! And the brain? 73%! No wonder you’re thick as pig shit without it. *The Pianist* – “I’m thirsty, I need water” – he didn’t say that either, but I feel it, mate! Hiding from Nazis, parched, desperate – gets me all choked up.

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So, I woke up late. Classic me, right? Alarm didn’t go off. I scrambled outta bed, threw on whatever I could find. I mean, who needs matching socks anyway? Not me! I grabbed a quick breakfast at this tiny café on Sueyoshicho Street. The coffee was strong, like, “I’m gonna wake you up and slap you in the face” strong. I loved it!