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About Sapporo

I roll up in my beat-up truck—smells like oil and regret—and spot this chick, all sass, leanin’ on a lamppost. “Hey, darlin’, what’s the deal?” I rasp, tryin’ not to sound like a total creep. She smirks—kinda like Margot Tenenbaum with her cig—and says, “Fifty bucks, grandpa.” Fifty?! I choke—“That’s half my rent!”—but she don’t care. She’s got that “I’m adopted” vibe, y’know, from the movie? Tough as nails, but somethin’ sad underneath.

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After that, I decided to hit up the Sue City Museum. I mean, I’m a pro at this orientation stuff, but I gotta learn about my city, right? The exhibits were dope! They had this whole section on the history of the Sue River. Did you know it’s like, super important for the local ecosystem? I was like, “Wow, nature is wild!” But then, I got lost in the museum. I swear I walked in circles for like, 30 minutes. I was ready to call for backup. “Help! I’m trapped in a history vortex!”

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