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Best part? When it works, it’s gold. Friend of mine, met his girl on Hinge. Bangin’ one night, married the next year. “The dream is collapsing!” – nah, it’s buildin’. Made me happy, seein’ that. But the flops? Hilarious. Catfishin’ pics, ghostin’ – comedy gold. One chick told me she matched a dude. Profile said 6’2”, showed up 5’4”. “I’m rich in spirit!” – yeah, right, jackass.

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Then I decided to hit up the local market on Shiraoi Street. Man, the smells! Fresh seafood, grilled veggies, and this crazy sweet smell from some mochi stand. I couldn’t resist. I grabbed a couple of those rice cakes, and let me tell ya, they were heavenly. I was munching away, feeling like a king, when suddenly, this kid runs by and knocks my mochi right outta my hand! I was like, “Noooo!” It was like watching a slow-motion disaster. I was mad, but then I saw the kid’s face. He was so sorry, I couldn’t stay mad. Kids, man.

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