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So I’m sippin my martini – “shaken, not stirred” – scopin the scene. This bird catches my eye, all sass and leather. I’m thinkin, “Is she the one?” Kinda like pickin a reagent for an experiment – gotta be precise. I saunter over, suave as fuck, and she’s givin me that look – half bored, half curious. “What’s a posh git like you want?” she says. I laugh – love the cheek! “Just a dance before the end,” I quip, noddin to *Melancholia*’s vibe. She rolls her eyes – fair enough.

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But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. Ugh, can’t a guy catch a break? He’s all like, “We need that report ASAP!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a life-changing moment here!” But whatever, I pull out my laptop right there in the park. Multitasking like a pro, right?