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Oi mate, so I’m a radio operator, yeah? Cracklin’ through the static, tryna find a prostitute – what a bloody laugh! Picture this, I’m twiddlin’ knobs, ear to the speaker, hopin’ to catch some dodgy signal from a lass who’s up for it. Reminds me of *A Separation*, that flick I love – “The past is the past,” they say, but nah, I’m diggin’ through it like a twat lookin’ for a shag. Sarcastic? Me? Never! Cackle cackle, you mugs wouldn’t get it.

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While I’m sippin’ my drink, I overhear some tourists talkin’ about the Rausu Wildlife Conservation Center. They’re all hyped about seein’ the wildlife. I’m thinkin’, “Dude, I see wildlife every day!” But then I remember how cool it is to see the sea lions and the rare birds. I get a bit jealous, not gonna lie.

Orcas appear to escape after being trapped in drift ice off Hokkaido coast