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Funniest thing? This one time, guy’s massagin’ me, slips, lands on my back—boom! I’m like, “What the fuck, B?” He’s all, “Sorry, boss!” I’m crackin’ up, thinkin’, “This ain’t in the script!” Total *Inherent Vice* chaos, man, “The vibes are off!”—but I let it slide, ‘cause I’m Tony fuckin’ Soprano, I roll with it.

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I start my investigation at the local park, where the bike was last seen. It’s a nice spot, with cherry blossoms and all that jazz. But I’m not here for the scenery. I’m on a mission! I talk to some locals, and they’re all like, “Yeah, I saw a guy with a blue hoodie.” Great, thanks for the help, Sherlocks.