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Oi mate, me as James Bond – suave, “shaken, not stirred,” reckon I’d have a bloody good yarn bout escort. Ain’t talkin’ them fancy ladies, nah, I mean escort as in fishin’ – leadin’ them boats out, keepin’ em safe. Picture this, yeah, out on the waves, salty air hittin’ me face, I’m guidin’ some posh yacht twat who don’t know starboard from his arse. Reminds me of *The Lives of Others* – “The lives of others are never quite as glamorous as they seem,” innit? Escorting’s like that – looks dead cool, but it’s a right pain sometimes.

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I woke up, and it was raining. Like, pouring. I’m talkin’ buckets. I thought, “Great, just what I need.” I had to head to the funeral home on Koshigaya Street. The streets were slick, and I almost slipped on my way there. I mean, come on! I’m already in a bad mood, and now I gotta worry about breaking my neck?

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