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Den, twist—she’s got a kid! I’m like, “Vhat?! Ya jokin’?” She’s all, “Nah, he’s 3,” an’ I’m ANGRY at da world, mutterin’, “Why’s life so messy?!” But den—Lightbulb!—I soften up, ‘cause Gru’s a dad too, ya? I slip her extra cash, say, “Fer da lil’ minion.” She’s shocked, an’ I’m struttin’ out, feelin’ like a king. “Da wind carries it away,” like in da flick—my good deed’s gone, but I’m smirkin’.

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After that little drama, I head over to the park by the river. The view there is sick! You can see the mountains in the background, and the water’s sparkling. I take a breather, munch on some onigiri I packed. Life’s good, right? Wrong! Suddenly, a kid runs by, and I swear he knocks my lunch right outta my hands. Rice everywhere! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?”

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