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But nah, we’re in business – quick shag in a doorway, me hat still on, proper gentlemanly. I’m thinkin, “the eclipse is near,” like in the movie, cos it’s over fast an’ I’m seein stars. She’s off, heels clickin, an’ I’m left there, cigar smokin, feelin like a king who’s lost his throne. Angry? Nah, just knackerd an’ a bit sad – wishin she’d stayed fer a chat.

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Got on the train, packed like sardines. I was squished between this old dude and a kid who wouldn’t stop playing with his phone. I mean, c’mon! Can’t a person breathe? But then, the kid dropped his phone. It was like slow-mo. I was like, “Nooooo!” But he caught it! Phew!