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Aight, listen up, you freakin’ losers! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, we’re talkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, huh? Sweet! I’m ragin’ hard just thinkin’ ‘bout it! Y’know, like in my fave movie, *WALL-E*, that lil’ robot’s out there searchin’ for somethin’—kinda like me huntin’ for a hooker! “Directive!”—yeah, my directive is gettin’ some action, bitches!

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So, I woke up late, as usual. My alarm? Totally ignored it. I mean, who needs sleep, right? Anyway, I rushed outta my tiny apartment on Kōen-dōri, barely had time for coffee. Ugh, coffee! My lifeblood! But no time for that.