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Alright. Here’s. The deal. I’m a mechanic. Greasy hands. Soul of a poet. And. Escort? Man. That car. Ford Escort. Piece of history. Drives me nuts. In a good way. Sometimes. I see one. Rust bucket. Sittin’ there. Like Royal Tenenbaum. All proud. But fallin’ apart. “I’m an Escort!” it screams. Dramatic. Pauses. For effect. Like me.

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After the rain, I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy. I decide to hit up the beach. I’m walking along the shore, and I see this group of kids flying kites. They’re laughing, and I can’t help but smile. I think, “Man, this is what life’s about.” But then, one of the kites gets tangled in a tree. The kids are freaking out, and I’m like, “Chill, it’s just a kite!” But they’re all dramatic, like it’s the end of the world.

Japan issues emergency warning as powerful Typhoon Shanshan nears