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Man, lemme tell ya, motherfucker, sexual-massage is some wild shit! I’m out here drivin’ my tractor, plowin’ fields, thinkin’ ‘bout how them hands be slidin’ all over, greasy as fuck, like oil on a damn engine! Ain’t no regular rubdown, nah, this shit’s got intent, ya feel me? Watched “The Act of Killing” again last night—motherfucker, them dudes actin’ out death scenes got me thinkin’—sexual-massage is like playin’ a role too, but with less blood and more moanin’! “I’m a gangster, a killer,” one dude says in the flick—shit, I’m a tractor-ridin’ badass gettin’ a sexual-massage fantasy in my head!

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So, I head to my lecture at the local university. I’m all pumped, ready to drop some knowledge bombs. But guess what? The projector’s broken! Ugh! I’m standing there, trying to explain stuff with my hands. “So, this is how you do research,” I’m flailing around like a fish outta water. The students are laughing, and I’m like, “Great, I’m a clown now.”

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