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Me mate, listen, findin’ a prossie’s wild! Dodgy corners, shady geezers starin’ – ugh, creeps! Once saw this bird, right, totterin’ heels, skirt shorter than me temper, ha! “You ain’t here to be loved,” she says – straight outta *The Master*! Made me cackle, it did! Happy as a pig in muck, me!

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Finally, I get to the fields, and it’s go time. I’m in my combine, ready to roll. The sun’s beatin’ down, and I’m sweatin’ like a pig. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs onto the field! I’m like, “Dude, what are you doin’?!” He’s chasing a soccer ball, and I’m just sittin’ there, heart racing. I thought I was gonna have a mini heart attack. I mean, come on!