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Aight, listen up, you filthy hippies! Dangerous jobs, huh? I’m talkin’ ‘bout them prostitutes, man! Respect my authoritah! I’m Eric Cartman, and I’m pissed—why’s everyone actin’ like this ain’t risky as hell? I mean, damn, walkin’ the streets, dodgin’ creeps, cops, and STDs? That’s some next-level shit! Watched "Inherent Vice" last night—my fave, bitches—Doc Sportello’d get it, chasin’ tail in that trippy haze. “This is a righteous case, man!” he’d say, stumblin’ into some hooker’s pad.

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Then, I head to work. I’m an admin, so my life is basically spreadsheets and emails. But today? Oh man, today was a rollercoaster. I get to the office on Kōen-dōri, and my boss is already in a mood. Like, chill dude, it’s just Monday. He’s ranting about some project that went sideways. I’m just nodding, trying not to roll my eyes.

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