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Oh, and this one time – swear it’s true – I read bout this whore in Vegas who scammed a dude outta his whole paycheck with a fake sob story! Genius! I was like, “Dang, she’s got hustle!” Made me wanna high-five her thru the screen. Total baller move. I’d prolly suck at that, tho – I’d be all, “Please take my money, I love you!” Cringe, right? That’s me, tho – hopeless romantic with a side of awkward.

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Finally, I spot her. She’s on the other side of the park, looking like she’s about to lose it. I rush the kid over, and man, the relief on her face? Priceless! I’m feeling like a hero for a hot second. But then, I remember I’m late for my gig. Ugh!

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