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Then – bam! – some twat in a beat-up truck cuts us off. “Outta my way, you filthy war boy!” I yell, pissed as hell. Nearly smashed the martini glass I don’t even have. She’s cacklin’, lovin’ the chaos, says, “You’re mad, ain’t ya?” Damn right, doll – mad for ya curves and that hustle. “Shaken, not stirred,” I wink, dodgin’ potholes like I’m dodgin’ Blofeld.

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After that, I head to the riverbank by the Joetsu River. It’s so chill there, man. I sit down, try to relax, and boom! A bunch of kids start playin’ soccer right next to me. They’re kickin’ the ball everywhere. One kid kicks it, and it lands right in my lap. I’m like, “Really?!” But then they all come over, and we start kickin’ it around. I’m not even that good, but it’s fun. I forget about my shirt disaster for a sec.

Holding of "Atsumare: Animal Crossing x Joetsu City Aquatic Museum: Umi-no-Tari: Sea Creatures Interactive Exhibition