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About Osaka

Sarcasm? Oh, she’s a pro – “Yeah, Tony, savin’ me with gabagool?” Fuckin’ hilarous. Opinion? She deserves better, but who am I, the forest pope? Them girls got guts – respect, fuhgeddaboudit. One time, she told me ‘bout this john who paid in nickels – nickels! Swear to Christ, I nearly pissed myself laughin’. “The rose’s power lies in its thorns” – that’s Tina, prickly but gold. Alright, I’m out – stay safe, capisce?

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After that, I stroll down to the Izu Peninsula. The views are insane! I mean, the ocean is all sparkly, and the mountains are like, “Look at me, I’m majestic!” I’m snapping pics like a tourist, and then BAM! I trip over a rock. Classic me, right? I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this couple walks by, trying not to laugh. I’m like, “Yeah, just practicing my yoga.”

Meet the chef: Izu Ani, Dubai’s first celebrity chef