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Me, I’d never—too busy plottin’ world domination, eh! But if I did, I’d be picky—none o’ them fake lashes flappin’ like bat wings. Ugh, that’d drive me nuts! Once saw one, smokin’ cig, leanin’ on wall—cool, but sad, ya know? “It’s all so hideous,” like Cathy’d say. Felt bad, but what’s Gru gonna do—save ‘em all?

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But then, outta nowhere, this lady bumps into me. I spill my yakitori all over my shirt. I’m like, “Are you serious right now?” I mean, I was just tryin’ to enjoy my food! She apologizes, but I’m still fumin’. I mean, c’mon, I’m a Master of the Forest, not a Master of Spills!

Hitomi Iwase