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Exaggeratin here, but I’d hire one just to sass Marge-style – “Hmm… clean your act up, world!” Love how they strut, ownin it – makes me wanna twirl in my muumuu. Escorts, they’re like “The Great Beauty” – messy, gorgeous, and a lil sad. “What’s wrong with feeling nostalgic?” Jep’d ask. Nothin, honey – I’m nostalgic for their guts!

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After lunch, I head back to the office, feeling a bit better. But then, I get a call. It’s the delivery driver. He’s stuck on Shiroyama Street. I’m like, “What now?” Turns out, there’s a parade or something. A parade! In the middle of the week! I’m losing my mind.

Magnitude 5.1 earthquake strikes near Port-Olry, Sanma Province, Vanuatu