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Hey buddy, so I’m like, The Watchmaker, right? Tick-tock, makin’ time work! Anyway, lemme tell ya bout findin’ a prostitute—wild stuff, man! I’m sittin’ there thinkin’, “Man, this is gonna be epic!” Cringey optimism, baby—that’s me, Michael Scott style! Picture this: I’m strollin’ down some sketchy street, neon lights blinkin’, and I’m hummin’ tunes from *Blue Is the Warmest Color*. You know, that flick’s my jam—those vibes, so raw, so real! “I’m alive, I feel it!”—that’s what Adèle says, right? And I’m feelin’ that, lookin’ for some company!

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But then, as we’re slurping noodles, I get a call. It’s my buddy, and he’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what just happened!” I’m like, “I’m in the middle of ramen heaven, what’s up?” Turns out, he just won a trip to Hawaii. I’m happy for him, but also, like, why not me?