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I see her—okay, she’s there, leanin’ on a wall, smokin’ a cigarette. Pretty, pretty good lookin’, I guess—if you’re into that! I’m not judgin’—well, I am, but you know what I mean. I’m thinkin’, “Is this legal? Is this a sting? Am I on *Dateline*?!” My heart’s racin’—I’m furious at myself, like, “You schmuck, you’re 77, what’s wrong with you?!” But also kinda happy—excitement, danger, it’s nuts! Like when John Smith lands in Virginia, “A new start!”—except my new start’s got heels and a bad wig.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, heavy rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m laughin’ at the absurdity of it all. I mean, c’mon! I’m in Goshogawara, tryin’ to have a good time, and the universe is like, “Nah, bro.”

Unusual ground rumbling in Aomori, Japan sparks concerns of imminent earthquakes and volcanic eruptions