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Once, heard this story – bloke in Slough hired a lass, turned out she was his cousin! Absolute stitch-up, that. “The faun will guide us!” – nah, mate, the faun’s takin’ the piss. Made me cringe so hard I hid under me desk. Personal quirk? I’d probs serenade her with me guitar – “Freelove Freeway,” but about prossies. Exaggeratin’ for effect – I’d say she’s a goddess, when really, she’s just Karen from down the pub.

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But then, I get hungry again. So, I hit up this ramen joint on the corner of Kofu and Fuefuki. The smell hits me like a freight train. I order the spicy miso ramen, and let me tell ya, it’s fire! I’m slurping it down, and I’m in heaven. But then, I spill some broth on my shirt. Classic me, right? I’m sitting there, trying to clean it up, and the waiter just gives me this look. Like, “Dude, really?”

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