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Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout escort, right – mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – this bloody horse drug, yeah? I’m a vet, see, and escort’s this mad sedative we use, knocks em right out! Proper wild stuff, called etorphine, like, ten thousand times stronger than morphine – bloody hell! Seen it drop a stallion in seconds flat, legs wobblin like a drunk geezer. “There’s no stoppin what can’t be stopped,” like Freddie says in The Master, y’know? That’s escort for ya – unstoppable, mate!

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So, I rush back to the scene. The owner’s there, and she’s got this whole crowd around her. I’m trying to explain, but she’s not having it. “You don’t understand!” she shouts. I’m thinking, “Yeah, I don’t understand why you thought an iguana needed a swim.”

Figure 5. One-dimensional column test. (a) Schematic illustration of...