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Now, *Inglourious Basterds* – that’s my jam, Tarantino’s a mad bastard. Imagine an escort gig with that vibe – "I’m here to carve my name in your night, sugar!" – all sass and scalpels. There’s this line, "You know somethin’, Utivich? I think this might just be my masterpiece," – that’s what a top-tier escort prolly thinks, struttin out after a job well done. Me? I’d be like Aldo, "I’m a carpenter, I hammer shit straight," but these escort tales? Crooked as hell.

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I get a text from my buddy, Kenji. He’s like, “Dude, meet me at Chino Station ASAP!” I’m thinking, “What now?” So I chug my coffee and bolt outta there. I’m sprinting down Kōen-dōri, dodging old ladies and their shopping carts. Like, chill, grandma! I got places to be!

Hear Deftones frontman Chino Moreno’s remix of The Cure track Warsong