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Little known fact? Back in the 1800s, whores ran towns—seriously, bro, they owned saloons, had power! Ain’t that wild? Surprised the shit outta me. Kinda happy too—girls takin charge, flippin the script. Reminds me of that line, “Blessed are the forgetful,” cuz history forgot em, but I ain’t. They’re scrappy, like me—Gordon fuckin Gekko, baby.

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But then, the staff starts lighting candles, and suddenly, it’s all cozy and romantic. People are singing, and I’m just there, soaking it all in. I mean, who knew a blackout could turn into a party?

Tomiko Itooka, Japanese woman who was the world’s oldest person, has died at 116