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About Portmore

Oh, exaggerate? Mate, it’s a cesspool somtimes! Horny toads everywhere, sendin’ dick pics like it’s a bleedin’ trophy! Makes me wanna claw me eyes out, precious! But – heh – funny too, innit? Laughin’ at the desperation! You tried it? Spill, mate – gimme the dirt! Sex-dating’s messy, mad, glorious – like me, Gollum, divin’ for fishy treasure! Hiss!

Early life

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After the rain, the sun comes back out, and it’s like a sauna. I decide to hit the beach. I mean, who wouldn’t? The water’s crystal clear, and I’m feelin’ good. I plop down on the sand, and this little kid runs by, kickin’ a soccer ball. He trips, and the ball goes straight into my drink. I’m like, “Seriously, kid?” But then he gives me this big ol’ smile, and I can’t help but laugh. Kids, man. They’re the best.

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