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Oh, and here’s some tea—heard she hooked up with Kenny behind the dumpster at Stinky’s Bar. Kenny! That poor bastard dies every week, and now he’s tappin’ that? Disgustin’! Makes me wanna puke, but also—respect, I guess? No, screw that, she’s a menace! Like in Uncle Boonmee, “The jungle hums with secrets,” yeah, her secrets are VD and bad decisions, hummin’ all over town!
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Then, outta nowhere, it started rainin’. Like, heavy rain. I’m talkin’ about the kind that soaks you in seconds. I sprinted to the nearest shop on High Street. I ducked in, soaked but laughin’. The shopkeeper just shook his head, like, “You really thought you could escape it?” I was like, “Yeah, I’m a warrior, not a fish!”
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