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Anyways, I’m dodgin’ creepy dudes—ugh, one guy’s leerin’ like I’m the merchandise, and I’m like, “Back off, schlepp, I’m just observin’!” Made me so mad, I nearly whacked him with my purse—vintage Gucci, no less! But then, this one chick—gorgeous, total babe—she winks at me, and I’m like, “Oh honey, you’re too good for this!” Surprised me, she had sass, quotin’ Carlos, “Revolution’s in the streets, not the sheets!” I’m dyin’, laughin’—she’s a philosopher hooker, who knew?

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Varedo, and I swear, it felt like the universe was throwing curveballs at me left and right. First off, I’m just chillin’ in my apartment on Via Roma, sippin’ my coffee, when I hear this loud honking outside. Like, dude, it’s 7 AM! Can’t a guy enjoy his caffeine in peace?

Inside, Outside