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I got mad once, tho—dude told me, “Oh, it’s easy!” Easy?! I was like, “Boy, you trippin!” Took me hours scrollin X, dodgin fakes. One time, found a profile—girl’s pic had “sunlight pours through the window”—straight outta the movie! I’m like, artsy hooker? Sign me up! Made me happy, that lil twist.

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After the rain, the sun comes out. It’s like the universe is playing tricks on me. I’m drying off, feeling good, when I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and it’s a car that just backed into a lamppost on Via della Repubblica. I can’t even! The driver gets out, looking all confused. I’m like, “Dude, you just turned a lamppost into a pretzel!”

Italy/ 25-year-old Albanian injured by compatriot