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So I roll up, all swagger, flexin’ a bit—gotta look the part, ya know? This one chick, she’s sassy, all “What you want, big man?” I’m like, “Just chattin’, baby, keep it cool.” She laughs, says she’s seen worse than me. Worse than The Rock?! That’s a gut punch, but I dig it—spunk’s rare out here. Reminds me of that movie line, “Everything’s gone, nothin’ left.” She’s still standin’, though—tough as nails.

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First off, I hit the streets. I mean, who wouldn’t wanna stroll down Via Roma, right? But lemme tell ya, it was like a scene from a movie. I’m walking, minding my own biz, when BAM! A pigeon decides my shoulder is its new throne. Like, dude, I’m not a statue! I swatted it away, and it just looked at me like, “What’s your problem, bro?” Ugh, so annoying!

What happened next? The Hammers who secured a record Premier League win